"I'm a kitten cat."

He's a kitten cat.

"Heavy music's like bread, sometimes you just don't want any."

Ian was explaining how he doesn't like heavy music anymore.

"I'm gonna roll my sleeves all the way up, I wanna look like Action Man."

Ian was just sat rolling his sleeves up, and without being asked explained to us why he was doing it. It's fair enough I guess.

"Bellion?! It sounds like some sort of weird fucking... karaoke name or something!"

We were playing FIFA 10 and he chose Bordeaux. He found the name 'Bellion' (David Bellion) strange. And 'Engelbrecht' is a normal name...

"It's like a gameshow but with fish."

Ian's understanding of how Yo! Sushi works.

"I think fire is just one of science's unexplained mysteries."

Trying to debunk science, he claims fire is unexplainable.

"God exists because I have eyes and ears and that makes me perfect."

Ian used this as his argument for the existence of God.

"I’ve watched horse sex before and it was pretty disgusting."

Ian said this when we were talking about neither horses nor sex.

"You know to make a ginger baby, you need a black man and a white woman right?"

This was Ian's attempt to understand how ginger babies are born to two people, neither of whom have ginger hair.

"An IQ of 100 is good... isn’t it?"

Ian was wondering why we were laughing at his IQ score, but he didn't even know what was actually a good score.

"I’m sorry but I did an IQ test today and my IQ is over 100."

This was Ian's retaliation to us calling him stupid.

"Ahh there’s a tree swing! Aww nor it’s a lamp post."

In Whickham park in the middle of the day, I guess lamp posts and tree swings look pretty similar.

"I love old men in baths like."

After mentioning Last of the Summer Wine.

"You know what I was thinking? Why doesn’t people do secret santa every day?"

The quote that started it all. The bad grammar and the general stupidity of the statement made us cry with laughter.